Trial & Error
So, I’ve found myself at this place again. Heavy with the weight of my sin. Defeated. Afraid to repent because in the back of my mind, I feel hopeless in my ability to fight the temptation of sin. I keep asking myself, “Why can’t I just get it right?!”
Here’s what I’ve found. The enemy never stops working; therefore, I can’t stop working. I must WORK to please God. I must WORK to flee temptation. I must WORK to be conscious of what I’m feeding my eyes, ears, and heart. I must WORK on my relationship with Christ. I must pray continuously. Many times, the peak of our prayer life is when we are in trouble. However, that shouldn’t be the only time we seek God whole-heartedly. Make Jesus a part of your EVERYDAY life. Here is my prayer:
“Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I’m about. See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong- then guide me on the road to eternal life.”
I’ve tried sin. Fail. I’ve tried doing things in my own strength. Fail. I’ve tried giving God the “pretty” parts of me, in hopes that He’d ignore my ugly ways. Fail. I’ve tried ignoring my convictions. Fail. Clearly, the only way to success in Jesus is to be totally submissive to Him. I’m giving Him all of my distractions, hopelessness, fear, doubt, selfishness, bad habits, offense, and timid salvation. It’s all or nothing. I have nothing to lose, but everything to gain.
Have you ever felt like, “God, just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it!”
Well, let me tell you. You’re not alone.
Lately, I have felt like if God just gave me the entire plan for my life, I’d never fail again. If I knew His will was for my life, I’d never mess up. I could be pleasing unto Him, and avoid sin all together. That job He didn’t want me to take? Pass. The guys He never intended for me to date? Swerve. The people He needed me to witness to? No problem! His purpose for my life? I’m ready!
The truth is, until recently my walk in Christ appeared to be trial and error. I would try to please God in my own way without seeking His confirmation and be stuck in a state of confusion when my plans failed. I would make decisions of great magnitude that weren’t the easiest, and, unfortunately, instead of going to Christ, I would regard outside indicators as my ‘sign’ or confirmation.
Most of all I would allow impressions, emotions, or other pressure-packed forces to influence them. Not once going to the source of my life, the most important factor of all…Daddy God.
I was stumbling blindly into sinful situations simply because I had more faith in MY own empty decisions than of He who knows the complete plan that He has for my life.
The reality of my “trial & error” walk is derived from a unwise habit of trusting myself. I created this habit through years of trusting people, getting hurt and finding out I couldn’t trust them. This caused me to believe, “If you want something done right, you’ve got to do it yourself. If you don’t ask anybody for anything or open your heart to them, they can’t hurt you.” But this mindset kept me from TRULY trusting God as well. I had forgotten who HE was.
Proverbs 3:5,6 says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths (NKJV).
There is a reason that you don’t have to go through someone else to get to God. He desires to dwell in your heart where you can learn to hear His voice on your own.
So if you feel as if you’re on a rollercoaster, or you seem to be in a place of confusion in more areas of your life than one, sit and think. “Whose voice am I following? That of my Father, or that of myself?”