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  • Brianna Rodgers | Mo'Nique Bailey

Single vs. Lonely


From Brianna:

Single. That word is almost feared. There was a time when being single indeed meant being lonely to me. I remember when it felt like no one desired me for JUST ME, and that I had no one to talk to. In my case, my friends and loved ones would always tell me that I could talk to them about anything, but I didn’t WANT to talk to them about THAT. Then, there were the times that I was being approached, but NO ONE was eligible. What do I mean by eligible? If he had a good job, he didn’t go to church. If he went to church, he had no relationship with Christ. If he had a relationship with Christ, he wasn’t cute. If he wasn’t cute, I wasn’t interested. If I wasn’t interested, he wasn’t eligible.

Where do you draw the line? How do you fill the void? I just wanted companionship…someone to talk to. It was then that I imagined God saying, “You can talk to me.” There are two ways you can process that.

  • I know God, but I’d like someone here on earth.

  • Okay, let’s talk.

It wasn’t until I chose number 2 (I went through the number 1 phase first), that I let God have all of my frustrations about being what I felt was “lonely”. It took me being alone to seek the heart of God. It took me being alone to get in His Word. It took me being alone to fall in love with Jesus…literally! That may not be the case for everyone, but for me in particular, I don’t believe that I would have sought God as passionately as I did had I been in love or in the process or giving my heart to someone else. To be in love is wonderful, but it can also be a distraction. I would never want my gift from God (my future hubby) to take me away from God!

Just like falling in love with someone, it is a process to STAY in love with Jesus. You can’t give Him a solid month or two of your life and devoted time and expect that to keep you for the rest of your life. Talk to Him daily. Seek Him daily. Tell Him you love Him daily. SHOW HIM your love for Him daily…just as you would (or should) do with your soul-mate. In your single season, let your soul-mate be the Maker of your soul. Enjoy Him. Love Him.

Still concerned about your earthly soul-mate? I understand, but don’t allow your concern to become worry. Trust this: Once God sees that He truly has your heart and can trust you to keep Him at the forefront, He won’t mind sharing it with the person He has for you. Once He is the King of your Heart, he’ll never break Your heart.

Considering your worth? Proverbs 31:10. After all, you’re a sister of Pretty Proverbs. You should know these things!

From Mo'Nique:

Recently, I have dealt with what may seem to be every woman's nightmare: A wedding cancellation. Boy, it may have been one of the toughest decisions I've faced in a while. I went from being hand in hand with the love of my life making wedding plans, to being face to floor pleading with God about deliverance from a broken heart. It sucked....bad. Facing the harsh reality that everything that I had mapped out for my life was coming to a screaming halt. I was no longer a bride-to-be perfecting every little detail for a wedding that was in three months. I was merely a single woman with a bleeding heart. There are many of us that remain out here with bleeding hearts.

Fortunately, that's not how the story ends. The truth of the matter is that when you love someone, it can be really hard when you two separate. Especially if you have reached a level of intimacy where you just can't imagine yourself without them. For whatever reason, it doesn't always have the fairytale ending that's depicted in those romance movies that we love. But that's okay. Ladies, there is nothing wrong with being single. It's the lonely state that can be very detrimental to our spiritual growth and healing.

LONELINESS

Before I realized I had a life to be lived, I was stuck in a depressive state as I witnessed all of my friends dating, and saying yes to relationships. Sometimes when we are lonely, we forget to be happy for others around us. Loneliness can cause us to be envious. However, when we accept being single, and understand that God is not in the business of just providing one person with happiness, we can learn to be happy for others around us because we know God's promises apply to everyone!

Loneliness also causes us to become complacent where we are and forget our self worth. When we acquire a complacent mentality, we tend to settle. That guy that is disrespectful to you and does not honor your purity - that's product of you settling. Dating a guy who doesn't seek a relationship with Christ - that's settling. You're telling God that you trust Him in every area EXCEPT the one that He ordained! God created a wife for Adam because he SAW his hearts desire for companionship. Is He not the same God now as He was then? Loneliness can lead you to doubt Christ.

Ladies being lonely can be dangerous. It's okay to be alone, however, it's in our ALONE time that God prepares us. He bonds with us in our alone time. This is where we have the chance to learn God's character and be intimate with Him.

SINGLE

What I have found out is that often, the hardest challenges to face and the most significant pressures of being single come from within. Many of us internalize the outer pressures and expectations around us. We care about how others perceive our status and often feel pressured to jump or remain in something that isn't for us. Release those pressures, honey. You are the instructor of your happiness and no one's thoughts can bring or take that away. God has the only and final say so on what He has for you. Trust His timing.

When we are in our single stages, God is molding us. We may think that we are ready for our Boaz, but are we willing to give up our selfish desires to meet the desires of your "help meet"? Are you ready to submit? How about giving up that "I" for "we"? You're no longer individuals once you say "I do".

Pastor Cornelius Lindsey said something that really spoke to my heart: "When God was creating Eve, what was Adam doing? Adam was sleep." God was perfecting Eve so that when Adam woke up, everything about her was perfectly created just for him. Ladies, you may still be a work in progress. You don't want to awaken your Adam before it's time. God wants you both to be perfect for one another :)


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